Sometimes, I crack myself up
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Maybe Hulk can shut yo' mouth!
Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can..
Apparently, spiders can not make children SHUT UP. I may come off as an evil child-hater here. I don't hate kids. I don't like annoying kids, but I'm more pissed at parents who bring their kids to non-kid-friendly events. Don't bring your little one to a big-people's movie! They talk, they can't sit down for 5 mins, they ran up and down the stairs, they hopped on all fours, they screamed, they cried... but, magically, whenever an usher came in, they were all like church mice. It was unbelievable.
I wanted to tell all those parents that if they could afford a movie, they could afford a babysitter. The whole theater was not there to watch or hear your little kids.
Not that the movie was spectacular. My hubby, the comic guru, didn't like it. I thought it was ok, what I could get out of it. Still, I paid my money, and I should get to see my crappy movie.
At least the manager agreed and gave us passes to come see another movie. I wish they had a kids-free night. I want to go see Brave. Maybe there's a midnight showing?...
Friday, July 6, 2012
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Today, I wish it had a content key! I haven't written for a while, though my nail blog gets updated every day, sometimes twice a day, so I know I have something to say!
Today's deep thought is about doggie adoption. We have a new dog in the house, a dog that my petsitter has been fostering for about a year and a half, and thought would make a nice addition to our home. So far, it's been a little rocky - my other male dog growls at him a lot (though he also growls at my adult female that he's known all his life), the new dog is marking my house (he marked my bed, which I get, but he also marked my curtains?!) and although he was touted as a submissive, easy-going dog, he's actually coming out of his shell as a fairly confident dog. I'm well-versed in setting boundaries for my pups and leadership theory, and I've never had a problem with that, so I know that I could keep the peace and MAKE it work. I'm just not sure if I should. Would it be kinder to my existing dogs and the new dog for him to find a new home? Should I wait longer and see if time and training makes this group click together? I don't know if these dogs will ever like each other, it would be more of a tolerance for each other, I think. Do we all deserve better?
I do like this new dog, but I'm not in love with him - yet. We'll see. I'm not going to make any decisions tonight. It's odd, because all the dogs I've adopted in the past I either fell in love with right away, or took them because I knew they would be better off with me than in their current situation. I don't know how I feel about this one, yet.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The tiny silver lining with the big frackin' cloud
I love girls' lunch/night out. I haven't had girl friends for a long time - like most married couples, we have couple friends. Or, sometimes we had a group, like when we played wallyball. Girl groups are a little different, and I really enjoy them.
I don't know what happened. It's not their fault. I had an off day. I didn't feel right all morning.
I ordered too much food. I thought the crepes were going to be small, so I ordered the plate that came with two. I was the only one who did so. Awkward, even though I didn't eat it. I had to endure yet another well-meaning, but ultimately shaming weight-loss conversation. Sigh.
My stomach started really hurting about halfway through lunch. Two trips to the bathroom later, and I was still in pain. I had to leave early.
I get to the car, and some ass-hat has parked over the line, leaving me about 6 inches of space to open the driver's door. I am more than 6 inches wide. The other side is free, but I can't climb in. I am paralyzed for a moment. I look around, but no one is claiming this car. I think about slamming my door into their car, hoping that the resulting dent will give me enough space to squeeze in. I think about keying their car.
I would wait, but my stomach is still hurting, and I just want to go home.
I swallow my pride, and I go ask for help. Luckily, the girls are still there, and one of them helps me while I yell expletives in the parking lot, helpless, frustrated, FAT.
Is this why women over 40 are more prone to agoraphobia? Once I'm home, I never want to leave the house again. Unlike the Hollywood heroine, this does not spur me to workout endlessly and eat carrot sticks. It makes me want to crawl in bed and put my head under the covers.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, but today SUCKED.
I don't know what happened. It's not their fault. I had an off day. I didn't feel right all morning.
I ordered too much food. I thought the crepes were going to be small, so I ordered the plate that came with two. I was the only one who did so. Awkward, even though I didn't eat it. I had to endure yet another well-meaning, but ultimately shaming weight-loss conversation. Sigh.
My stomach started really hurting about halfway through lunch. Two trips to the bathroom later, and I was still in pain. I had to leave early.
I get to the car, and some ass-hat has parked over the line, leaving me about 6 inches of space to open the driver's door. I am more than 6 inches wide. The other side is free, but I can't climb in. I am paralyzed for a moment. I look around, but no one is claiming this car. I think about slamming my door into their car, hoping that the resulting dent will give me enough space to squeeze in. I think about keying their car.
I would wait, but my stomach is still hurting, and I just want to go home.
I swallow my pride, and I go ask for help. Luckily, the girls are still there, and one of them helps me while I yell expletives in the parking lot, helpless, frustrated, FAT.
Is this why women over 40 are more prone to agoraphobia? Once I'm home, I never want to leave the house again. Unlike the Hollywood heroine, this does not spur me to workout endlessly and eat carrot sticks. It makes me want to crawl in bed and put my head under the covers.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow, but today SUCKED.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Clean Dog Day
Clean Dog Day is almost as good as Clean Sheet Day. All the doggies got a bath, and I even cleaned their (gasp) anal glands. It is important to do that FIRST, so that the bath washes away all the nasty. It is the grossest job of a dog owner, and some people have this done at the vet, but I'm too cheap to take them there as often as they would need it. A latex glove (per dog) and some K-Y and a paper towel or wipe, and 30 seconds, and you're done.
Yeah, that's probably TMI for most of you, but since I don't think I have a lot of readers, that's not really an issue. If you're reading this, there is no need to be scared of your dog's butt. And, the benefits of not having that smell or your dog licking their ass constantly far outweighs the 30 seconds of pure gross.
So, all the dogs are clean, they smell good, their fur feels incredible, and then they're so wound up they PLAY like crazy, and then they SLEEP like the dead.
I won't want to let them out to play tomorrow because they'll get all dirty again, but I know I'll relent. :) These are the moments to relish, they are gone way too soon! I wish I could capture that clean dog feeling in a picture to revisit when they're stinky.
Yeah, that's probably TMI for most of you, but since I don't think I have a lot of readers, that's not really an issue. If you're reading this, there is no need to be scared of your dog's butt. And, the benefits of not having that smell or your dog licking their ass constantly far outweighs the 30 seconds of pure gross.
So, all the dogs are clean, they smell good, their fur feels incredible, and then they're so wound up they PLAY like crazy, and then they SLEEP like the dead.
I won't want to let them out to play tomorrow because they'll get all dirty again, but I know I'll relent. :) These are the moments to relish, they are gone way too soon! I wish I could capture that clean dog feeling in a picture to revisit when they're stinky.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Love means.... buying me stuff!
Haha, just kidding. Doesn't hurt, though. LOL.
Today was an epic gift day. Hubby stopped by Sam's club on the way home from work, supposedly to gas up the car and buy some trash bags. Apparently, he decided that he liked an amethyst necklace and just decided to buy it for me. I wasn't even there to ask him for it. It's not even my birthday.
When I asked him why, he said that he liked it, and he couldn't wait for the next gift-giving occasion in Sept (our anniversary) to get it for me. When I suggested that he buy it and keep it hidden until then, he actually MADE A FACE. He cracks me up.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, he took me nail polish shopping. And, he's coming to the beauty bloggers meeting with me on Saturday. I love that he embraces his sensitive side, and is so comfortable with who he is. It's a rare gift.
Today was an epic gift day. Hubby stopped by Sam's club on the way home from work, supposedly to gas up the car and buy some trash bags. Apparently, he decided that he liked an amethyst necklace and just decided to buy it for me. I wasn't even there to ask him for it. It's not even my birthday.
When I asked him why, he said that he liked it, and he couldn't wait for the next gift-giving occasion in Sept (our anniversary) to get it for me. When I suggested that he buy it and keep it hidden until then, he actually MADE A FACE. He cracks me up.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, he took me nail polish shopping. And, he's coming to the beauty bloggers meeting with me on Saturday. I love that he embraces his sensitive side, and is so comfortable with who he is. It's a rare gift.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Dark Shadows
Dark Shadows was about the silliest movie I've seen in a long time. Johnny Depp was sexy, even in white paint, and Michelle Pfiefer is still one of the most beautiful actresses, but that was about it for eye-candy. Actually, the Dark Shadows collection of nail polish I bought will probably bring me more joy than the movie!
Well, Twilight was worse, I guess. maybe.
Well, Twilight was worse, I guess. maybe.
Friday, May 11, 2012
I like new stuff
Very profound, no?
I got a new chair. It's actually made for us bigger folks. First time I've had a really comfy chair like this. On the one hand, I feel a little guilty that my ass is so wide as to need a bigger chair. On the other hand, simply wanting it to fit, or even working on it isn't going to happen overnight, so why shouldn't I be comfortable in the meantime?
I got a new hobby. I spend way too much time and money on nail polish and art these days. I think it's interesting, and I've found a community online that also values it. I have 10 canvasses that I can use and reuse and reuse. I take a pix and that's all I need to remember my impermanent creation. Most of my polishes are 3- or 4- or 5- free (main nasty chemicals) and cruelty-free, and some are even vegan. So, I feel okay about having these on my body and around my house. Yeah, I feel a little guilty that I have all this free time and I'm not curing cancer, I'm just painting my nails..
I made some new friends tonight. Girls' Night was awesome. Hung out with some friends, and they brought friends that I didn't know well. Drunk Nidia makes friends pretty easily, assuming she doesn't scare them off first. It's always nice to find more people in the world that are fun to spend time with. Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, the other is gold.
I got a new chair. It's actually made for us bigger folks. First time I've had a really comfy chair like this. On the one hand, I feel a little guilty that my ass is so wide as to need a bigger chair. On the other hand, simply wanting it to fit, or even working on it isn't going to happen overnight, so why shouldn't I be comfortable in the meantime?
I got a new hobby. I spend way too much time and money on nail polish and art these days. I think it's interesting, and I've found a community online that also values it. I have 10 canvasses that I can use and reuse and reuse. I take a pix and that's all I need to remember my impermanent creation. Most of my polishes are 3- or 4- or 5- free (main nasty chemicals) and cruelty-free, and some are even vegan. So, I feel okay about having these on my body and around my house. Yeah, I feel a little guilty that I have all this free time and I'm not curing cancer, I'm just painting my nails..
I made some new friends tonight. Girls' Night was awesome. Hung out with some friends, and they brought friends that I didn't know well. Drunk Nidia makes friends pretty easily, assuming she doesn't scare them off first. It's always nice to find more people in the world that are fun to spend time with. Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, the other is gold.
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